Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A few thoughts on the normal part of pregnancy

My mom said God gives us the last month of pregnancy so we will do ANYTHING to get this baby out.


heh heh. yeah.
A couple of thoughts as I reach the 'home stretch.' 

~stretch.... as in marks. Um, gross. Who let the crazy clawing cat with the purple nail polish into my pajamas?

~well hello, toilet. We meet again. It's been what, six minutes? Bladders do make such fine pillows.

~leaky ladies. They are like that rain storm on Bambi. Starts out with a few drips, but one day I know, with a chorus and clash of thunder, all the happy little April showers will turn into a soak-fest.

~No. More. Room. As in... none. It's weird feeling my stomach growl in my chest instead of in, well, my stomach.

~Oh, there you are, toes! 

~After sleeping thirty minutes: okay, ow. Time to flip to the other side. 

~After flipping, but doing it wrong: okay, OW!!! That stretching ligament suddenly turned into acute appendicitis. since I no longer have an appendix, I can compare the two.

~I miss sleeping on my back. That was the most comfortable for me before baby became organ-crusher.

~I used to be a dancer. I used to look cool when I danced. Now if a very groovable song comes on the radio (like early Britney Spears or, I admit it, Poker Face by Lady Gaga) I just look like a wobbling watermelon.

~Stop it, uterus! Braxton Hicks contractions, so not cool.

~Worrying about Braxton Hicks contractions because what if it's the real thing? My hospital is thirty minutes away... what if we get there and they say with a smile "false alarm! you can go home now, sweetheart!" Ugh.

~bed rest. Nuff said.

~Course, my nail polish has never lasted this long before. Awesome.

~Ever notice how as we get uglier, husbands get handsomer? No fair.

~Anyone feel like going to redbox for me? I haven't seen Shrek Ever After, Sorcerer's Apprentice, Robin Hood, Charlie St. Cloud, Killers, or Inception yet. Some of these movies I only care to see out of curiosity, such as Robin Hood and Charlie St. Cloud.

I think I've gone on long enough. Plus, this chair is starting to get uncomfortable. It's my fabulous new glider, so it's supposed to be comfortable, but with all this extra poundage, I don't think comfortable is in my vocabulary anymore.

Thanks for all your love, prayers, and encouragement!!! Hopefully this post will leave you with a smile on your face. I thought it was time for something silly.

6 comments:

jen said...

LOL. You make me laugh. It will all be worth it!

Marilyn said...

Aw yes. It did make me laugh. I also nominate you for the Pulitzer prize of descriptive language for the end of pregnancy!

Mari said...

Oh you are bringing back memories! I felt like a baby sack with arms and legs attached. And the stretch marks, oh the stretch marks. Sadly, those are more than just memories since I have Logan constantly pulling up my shirt and pointing out my belly button thus revealing the marks on an hourly basis. Also, the flab, but that's another story. Or actually the same story, different chapter.
Is any of this making sense? I have a head cold scrambling my brains today.

Chess said...

Oh. I'm not gonna lie. I WANT to see Charlie St. Cloud. I've got a huge crush on Zac Efron, and I don't care who knows it!!

Keep going! You're almost there!! :)

What I Did Today said...

Hahahahaha! I love how you take truly whine-worthy happenings into something to laugh and smile about!

Jackie said...

Crazy clawing cat with purple nail polish.

Oh boy. I love you!