I went and visited my very dear friend who had her baby girl two days after I had Ella. Me and this girl have been friends since high school. When we were both single, hot, happenin', we were literally joined at the hip.
When we found out we were both pregnant with little girls, our babies had been officially "betrothed besties."
I'd been putting off visiting her for numerous reasons.
Little Miss M (I'll call her Princess Jr. until I can come up with a better nickname) is healthy, perfect, beautiful, and the exact age my Ladybug would be if she were still with us.
So you can see why this was hard for me. I was nervous as I drove over, walked to the front door, and knocked.
This visit turned out to be soothing, sweet, tearful, and wonderful. My friend and I were able to embrace, cry, gab as if we've never been apart, and even laugh. I got to hold her sweet little one and reconcile myself to the way things are, even though I still feel like a chunk of me is missing.
Me and my friend, back when we were seniors at Mesa High, had nicknamed one another Princess and Angel. She was Princess, I was Angel, and this was most definitely done in the days just before Princess and Angel paraphernalia had become popular.
How cool is that.
Here's a picture we had taken back in the day:
Our sweatshirts say "Princess" and "Angel" on them. dang my hair was short. We were so goofy. I don't like the irony of being nicknamed Angel and then having to hand my baby back to the angels, but life is life and all that goes with it. And on the other hand, I'm glad Ladybug is with angels if she couldn't be with me. :)
Me and Princess are planning a big ladies' spa weekend for our big 30th birthday celebration in 2012. Yipes. 30. We've got a year and a few months to plan... and cling to the remainder of our 20's like a pair of hot but too-tight shoes.
Looking forward to lots of good times ahead, Princess. Don't forget your CD mix of Britney Spears, Coyote Ugly, and Enrique.
5 comments:
I quite don´t know that angel and princess thing (though I even tried to find out via Google :-/) but I am once more convinced: You are a Braveheart (hope this word expresses in English what I´d mean in German: You ask your heart and do things that might even be frightening and you stay warm-hearted and loving. That is a brave heart.)
Dearest greetings from Cologne
Regina
I am SO glad you made your visit. I kept having the feeling that you should go visit her but was afraid to suggest it it. You are a Braveheart! {hugs}
Oh this is ever so hard. Kudos to you and for embracing the opportunity. I struggled with this as well. I even went to the hospital and held my cousin's baby just 5 days after Camden died and as I did that I realized that it wasn't my baby and I could be okay; mind you I had plenty of hard days where I would not hold babies and just lose it at random times. Hugs to you Amy, I wish we were in town, or you could just move to Glendale already... :)
Mesa High? My husband is from Gilbert!
Glad it went well!
Brave & good of you.
2 best friends and I were due 3 weeks apart. I remember when baby Lucy was 4 days old (it was 3 weeks after I had lost Eli) I asked my friend if I could bathe her & get her dressed. It was the sweetest feeling, soothed my aching soul & even a bit sacred. I still look at their children (now 10 years old) with a feeling of loss but it has sweetened over time. It makes me meloncholy just to think of those sweet kids. Same age as my Eli would have been.
All in the lords timing, though.
right?
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