I had a fetal EKG done last Friday and we're very happy to say that
our son's heart is perfect.
"Everything looks fantastic!" and "That is one happy heart!"
Those were the doctor's exact words.
I can't even begin to describe the relief.
It's almost as though I was denying myself the complete happiness of expecting a baby
in fear of losing him too.
"Don't allow yourself to get too happy. That's when everything crashes down around you," says a nasty little voice in my head.
It's hard not to let those doubts haunt my mind.
But now I feel like I can finally bring home baby stuff without jinxing myself, look at baby stuff, dream about baby stuff, and worry about being a good mother. Because it's finally happening.
Now for the sticky part:
I have to choose whether or not I want another c-section or a VBAC. The doctors and nurses have perfected the art of scare tactics.
On one hand, I could have another c-section and increase the risk of all the complications that goes with it. Future pregnancies are also at risk. I might not be able to have as many children as we want.
These people are talking hysterectomies.
On the other hand, I can do a VBAC, in which I run the risk of exploding my uterus and causing brain damage or death to my baby or death to myself. (Nurse practitioner even threw in a story of just such an occasion... they lost both the baby and the mother. Such a nice end to an appointment.)
Told you they were good at scare tactics.
Well, this kid has to come out SOMEHOW. It's not like there's a third option.
So what do I do? I still don't know, though it's definitely a matter of prayer.
I hear stories all the time of successful VBACs and successful multiple c-sections. I just wish someone else could make the choice for me, or that God would spell it out somewhere blatantly in the scriptures because my brain and heart can't agree.
"Thou shalt have a c-section!" or "Thou shalt bear thy child the normal way!"
I know the doctors have to give the worst case scenario otherwise they "run the risk" of a lawsuit. Thanks for ruining my peace of mind so you can have yours.
It just feels like such a heavy weight overshadowing the joy of this pregnancy. I'm trying to not let it be that way. I just feel so helpless and confused.
8 comments:
That is such great news! Oh the choices. I tried a VBAC with Brigs and was super happy I did. Even though I did end up with a repeat csection. I just knew that was what I wanted to do though. Now I do feel stressed though about being limited with kids because I have had 3 csections. At least I know there was no other way, right? Who know's if I'll even need to worry about it anyway.
Good luck with the decision! I am sure either way will work it out just fine.
The gloom and doom scare tatics... hate 'em! That's a big decision, it kind of makes me glad that I don't have the option for a VBAC. I'll be praying that you will figure out what is best for you.
On a happier note, YAY for happy healthy babies!! Time to happily shop away, I'm so happy for you!
Now that you know baby boy is healthy, do you have the option of switching providers? I was lucky enough to find midwives who deliver at a hospital and work with OB's in emergency cases. I'd be willing to bet there are some in your area too. That'd take the scare tactics away and still allow the peace of mind that if something needs doing they're prepared for it.
Yay for a healthy heart! Just fyi, my sister-in-law broke her back in college which meant she had to have c-sections due to all the metal in her back. Five children, five c-sections, I know every person is different but more than that the Lord will bless you in your needs.
I don't know Amy, it's a tough call when they give you all the worst case scenario's but my niece had both and all four of her babies did great! Some were C-sections and some were VBAC.
You'll know what's right when the time comes! Good luck!!
Oh for heavens sake! they really told you such craptastically scary stories?! Sheesh. I have had 3 c-sections and when the doctor was stitching me up with this last one I asked about it and he said I could have tons of babies because my uterus looked so great, minimal scar tissue. So I think it also depends on your body and how it heals, etc. Do what you think is best. recovery is a bear from surgery but it does seem to get easier if only because you know what to expect. I have never delivered vaginally but hear that isn't peaches either. Plus there are all sorts of bladder issues that can evolve. Man. I remember sitting in the hospital before surgery and just wanting to go home. But there was only one way out for that baby. Good luck!
I am so glad you can just be happy and enjoy this sweet babe.
Baby posts will never grow old. Sorry they scared you like that. Don't they know pregnant woman are hormonal and already scared! Good Grief. Do lots of reading on VBAC's. You already know what c section is all about. I am glad to hear that you are relaxing a bit and that the little one is strong and healthy.
Wow, they really scared you! Such a hard choice! I have friends that have gone both ways. My doctor gave me the option of a VBAC with my 2nd, and I just had a hard time making that decision. At one of my appointments, I asked him straight out what he felt with me and my baby. He said I was healthy and he felt completely fine with me doing a VBAC. He also said that if something went wrong, it would go terribly wrong! At that point I just knew it was C-section for me. As we talked I knew that I was willing to put "more" risk on myself rather than my baby, and it turned out perfect! Easy delivery, simple recovery, and I loved the extra time in the hospital to relax and have my baby all to myself! Good luck!!
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