Well I haven't seen Hunger Games yet, so this is all the news there is.
I had a fetal EKG done last Friday and we're very happy to say that
our son's heart is perfect.
"Everything looks fantastic!" and "That is one happy heart!"
Those were the doctor's exact words.
I can't even begin to describe the relief.
It's almost as though I was denying myself the complete happiness of expecting a baby
in fear of losing him too.
"Don't allow yourself to get too happy. That's when everything crashes down around you," says a nasty little voice in my head.
It's hard not to let those doubts haunt my mind.
But now I feel like I can finally bring home baby stuff without jinxing myself, look at baby stuff, dream about baby stuff, and worry about being a good mother. Because it's finally happening.
Now for the sticky part:
I have to choose whether or not I want another c-section or a VBAC. The doctors and nurses have perfected the art of scare tactics.
On one hand, I could have another c-section and increase the risk of all the complications that goes with it. Future pregnancies are also at risk. I might not be able to have as many children as we want.
These people are talking hysterectomies.
On the other hand, I can do a VBAC, in which I run the risk of exploding my uterus and causing brain damage or death to my baby or death to myself. (Nurse practitioner even threw in a story of just such an occasion... they lost both the baby and the mother. Such a nice end to an appointment.)
Told you they were good at scare tactics.
Well, this kid has to come out SOMEHOW. It's not like there's a third option.
So what do I do? I still don't know, though it's definitely a matter of prayer.
I hear stories all the time of successful VBACs and successful multiple c-sections. I just wish someone else could make the choice for me, or that God would spell it out somewhere blatantly in the scriptures because my brain and heart can't agree.
"Thou shalt have a c-section!" or "Thou shalt bear thy child the normal way!"
I know the doctors have to give the worst case scenario otherwise they "run the risk" of a lawsuit. Thanks for ruining my peace of mind so you can have yours.
It just feels like such a heavy weight overshadowing the joy of this pregnancy. I'm trying to not let it be that way. I just feel so helpless and confused.