Tuesday, October 2, 2012

What I didn't get to say

Dear Grandma,

Yesterday I got the news that you were freed from this life. Your pains and suffering were over. God needed you to come home.
Though I'm relieved that you are no longer weighed with the terrible anguish of your ailing body, my heart is broken.
Partly because you're gone and partly because I missed the chance to come see you before you left us.
I was coming to see you soon. We made the plans, worked out the schedule, set the date, thinking, hoping you had more time. But I was too late. I wish I would have come when I had the first opportunity.

There were so many things I wanted to tell you.
First, how much I love you. I have many wonderful memories of you throughout my life. I remember your visits to Arizona every year and how much I looked forward to them. I remember the little motor home you and Grandpa brought to stay in.
I remember coming to your house for summer visits, one at Christmas, and the fun we had with the cousins. I remember your laugh and your smile, your twinkling eyes, your generosity, and your example.
Next I would thank you for my Mother. You brought her into this world and raised her to be who she is today: one of my best friends, a mentor, and a rock in my life.
Then I would tell you how much I admire you. Your intelligence and accomplishments (a Master's degree in Chemistry!) have inspired me to pursue my own education and create higher goals for myself.  I hope one day to reach those goals and make you proud of me. I also hope to have your courage, your wit, and your ability to stay positive during difficult trials. I'd like to think I got my healthy sense of humor from you.
And lastly, a request I wanted to make. Some might call it a strange one or an unnecessary one. But after hearing about your illness and the grave prognosis, I knew you would soon be with my Ella. I wanted so badly to ask you to give my girl a hug and to tell her how much I love her and miss her. I wanted to ask you this in person, before you moved on to your next great adventure.
I missed that opportunity.
I'm so sorry.

But now I honor you. You lived a great life. You are a great Lady. And I am forever grateful that our family is eternal.


Patricia Nielson
Beautiful, inside and out.


Saimi said...

Oh Amy what a beautiful letter to your Grandmother, truly a wonderful person. What a blessing in your life she must have been and I'm sure she understands that you couldn't make it to see her. Actually she and your sweet a Lady bug are together talking about what a beautiful and wonderful lady you are!

Leigh said...

I bet one of the the first things she did upon returning home was pick up miss Ella bug and give her a tight squeeze. I am sorry to hear about your grandma's passing, and even more sorry for unspoken words. She knows. She knows just how much you love and miss her. [hugs]

heather said...

Your grandma died too? I'm so sorry. So sorry you didn't get a chance to see her one more time. I feel the same ache.

Steve and Kelsey and Alex! said...

Oh Amy. I'm so sorry to hear this. Your grandmother sounds like an amazing women! I'll be thinking of you today.

Darci Cole said...

She knew, I'm sure. She's greeted Ella and given her your love.

Heather said...

I am sorry you lost such a fabulous lady in your life. Big hugs and thank the heavens above for the Plan of Salvation. Love you!

Unknown said...

My condolences. I am so sorry for you loss. hugs and prayers

Suzie said...

Cyberhugs, thoughts and prayers coming your way. So sorry for your loss.

momto8 said...

a beautiful tribute.

Jennie said...

I'm sorry Amy. What a beautiful letter. I'm sure hugging Ella and telling her how much she is loved is one of the first things she did.

Lindsey Smith said...

This was beautiful. I am sure your Grandma would be so proud of you.