Ever get tired of roller coasters? I think that's why they're so short. Riding one for more than thirty seconds takes away all the thrill and just makes your stomach hurt.
That's kind of how it is with doctor's appointments these days. I go in with a smile and walk out with a worry.
I have to go in for ultrasounds twice a week now.
Which means I have to quit my job earlier than we thought.
Those of you who know me well would think I'd be smiling broadly about that.
Instead I feel like a quitter even though I'm quitting for a greater cause. Which goes to show you how brainwashed I've become from working 7 years for a person who believes that work should take precedence over everything... weddings, illness, even kidney stones. ok I exaggerate. a little.
Ladybug needs to be monitored closely to watch for fluid forming around her organs. She was pretty sleepy at our last appointment, so it took a while to check her for "practice breathing." Of course, she was energetic before and after the appointment, but not during. On the flip side, at the cardiologist, when we needed her to sit still so they could get all the pictures of her heart, she wouldn't stop squirming. Foreshadowing? Probably.
Another concern they have is I have a LOT of amniotic fluid. Which makes my uterus big. Which may make it think I'm farther along than I really am. This is another reason I have to quit my job: I CAN'T go into preterm labor. 40 weeks, baby. I'm making it to 40 weeks.
So here's the full diagnosis. You ready? Don't worry, I couldn't remember it at first either. I still don't.
She has a complete Atrioventricular Septal Defect (two holes on the inner septum between the chambers) or AVSD. This is also called an Endocardial Cushion Defect or Common Atrioventricular Canal.
She also has severe regurgitation from the left ventricle to the right atrium because the valve isn't working properly.
She will need surgery immediately after birth, once she's stabilized.
Prognosis? They didn't give me one. The doctor only said that to repair this kind of defect is extremely complicated. So it's basically the worst-case-scenario in a four-chambered heart.
I have nothing else to say. No pearls of wisdom. Just passing along information. I'm still praying my guts out for a miracle, for faith sufficient, for anything. But I'm just so tired. I just want my baby.