Thursday, January 13, 2011

Forever

The day I had been dreading finally came.


We got to hold our baby one last time. For about two and a half hours that felt like twenty minutes.
I couldn't stop staring at her. I wanted to memorize her face and the feel of her soft hair under my fingertips. I wanted to remember  forever that she had my nose and my husband's mouth. She looked so beautiful in her exquisite white dress, wrapped in the silky white quilt my aunt made for her.


But we couldn't hold her forever, because it wasn't really our Ella. It was only her temporary tabernacle. Even though I knew this, it didn't make that moment of farewell any easier. My broken heart split all the wider.


Hearts that have been broken wide open need to be filled up with something else. That's why we have funerals.


You could say the day was perfect. The weather was beautiful; a tender mercy among many.
There was so much love at that place. I feel it wrapped around us even now and I know it surrounds the place where our baby rests.
 The words that were spoken and the prayers that were offered were perfect.
Perfect words on a perfect day for my perfect little girl.


Truly, God blesses those that have cause to mourn.


There is no doubt in my mind that the power of God's priesthood protects her now. It is that same power that gave me miraculous peace and strength enough to drive away from that place. It is the same power that turns a horrible day into a sacred one. It is the same power that binds me to my husband and us to our daughter.


Forever.

17 comments:

Adele said...

It truly was a sacred day. Thank you for letting us be a part of that day. We love you so much.

K & L said...

I wish we could have been there Amy. You have such a wonderful way with expressing your emotions through words - and my heart continues to break for you. I am grateful for the gospel - I can see it working in your life.

Marie Teemant said...

Not a good idea to read that while I'm working. I love you so much Amy! I hope that the healing is a hundred times more impactful than the pain has been. I'm praying my guts out for you!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

What a beautiful post. I'm so glad the funeral went well. I love your thought about a heart that has been split open wide needs to be filled with something else.

Do you mind if I quote you on my Magic Quilt blog today?

HUGS!

Saimi said...

Picturing you holding your little ladybug in her white dress all bundled up in a special quilt made me cry. You are such a special daughter of God with amazing strength and faith, I can only hope to be like you if ever I had a trail such as this.

Thinking of you!

Kassi Jane said...

You are a very special person amy and your strength amazes me also!

Heather said...

Amy, it was so wonderful to meet you yesterday. The service was perfect and I wish I could have met your sweet Ella. I remember having the same impression when we dressed Camden before his burial; it just wasn't him. One the spirit leaves the body they are gone, it was a sweet testimony to me and I cannot wait to be reunited with those we have lost. I truly find comfort knowing that we will get to raise our kids. What a blessing the gospel is!

I hope to get to know you better and become good friends when you move out to the west side.

jen said...

Beautifully expressed as always. So honored to be your sister and to have spent these moments with you, Bret & Ella. She will be forever in my heart. I love you.

Robert & Leigh said...

I love you Amy. I am grateful I had the opportunity to attend Ella's sweet service. So glad we have the knowledge of forever...

Perla Maria said...

What a beautiful post Amy, Sorry I couldnt be there. I want you to know that I have been praying earnestly for you . Just about every night I've knelt down in prayer for Heavinly Father to heal your broken heart. I admire your strength. You are such an inspiring woman. Thank you for being such a great example to all of us.
I will continue to pray for your family and my husband and I will run for Ella @ Ethans run!
Love you girl
Wish you the best.

Chess said...

You are wonderful. And such an example. I hope to be as strong as you one day!

What I Did Today said...

Beautiful words. Thank you for sharing this sacred moment with us, and for your written testimony.

Noble M Standing said...

Thank you for your testimony. I'm glad the weather and the service were nice. Many hopes for a comforted and complete healing of both body and heart.

Rachel Clare said...

Oh Amy, this is just marvelous. You have such a gift with words, and I'm grateful for your strong testimony. Prayers and thoughts continue to be with you. xo.

ailinh harris said...

What a sweet and beautiful post. You are remarkably strong! Thanks for sharing.

Anne said...

I am so very sorry. You don't know me, but here's a ((hug)).

iamwoman said...

gorgeous..gorgeous post.