Yesterday we went to the funeral home to make some decisions for Ella's services.
I was half dreading it, half looking forward to it.
I don't want to put my baby in the ground. More than anything in the world, I just crave to turn back time, alter reality, hold her close and feel her beating heart. I want her sleeping in her crib in the next room, or laying in my lap and looking up at me. I'll even take her screaming her little lungs out.
But I have to continue through this excruciating trial. And since I have to, I'm glad I have the people at Falconer's Funeral home to help us with the final "goodbye, until we meet again."
They share our religious beliefs and conviction.
Their gentle reassurance and understanding helped put me at ease.
Their generosity left me completely flabbergasted.
For those of you who are local, we will be having the graveside service on Wednesday, January 12th at 1:00 at the Mesa Cemetery.
I feel so much comfort and relief that my baby is in their hands. We went home feeling at peace and bolstered by the good people who are taking care of Ella's final preparations.
Then I made the mistake of looking through a journal entry I wrote while in the hospital while my husband is gone until this afternoon helping his brother with some errands.
Hence, one step forward and half a step back.
Find something to do.
Maybe, just this once, I'll let a bowl of ice cream help. Maybe there's something good on tv. can't do too much of that now. still have a few more pounds to get rid of. Or how about a good, hard freewriting session.
I have a prologue to rewrite.