Sunshine in rain

Have you ever stood in sunshine and rain at the same time? It's a peculiar feeling. Thick clouds, pouring rain, but it isn't dark . . . it's sort-of like when you find yourself breathing underwater either with a snorkel or in a dream. Two things that shouldn't be able to happen at once.

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant. Finally pregnant.
I remember the joy.
The fear.
The anticipation.
The hope.
The oh-my-heck-I-can't-believe-this-happening.
Smiling for no reason.
Barfing for no reason.
Crying for no reason.

And that little heartbeat.



Being pregnant with Ella was like standing in sunshine and rain. At last I was experiencing the incredible miracle of carrying a sweet little daughter. With the dark clouds overhead as we found out about her heart defect, I tried so hard to face the sun. While the rain poured down, we could still see small rays of light, small glimmers of hope.

Now that she's gone, life is the same way. Sometimes the storm is greater than the sun. Other times the rain is just a memory. Sometimes they go on simultaneously. But I've realized that no matter how cold and ruthless that storm is, the sun is always above it. I don't always feel it, but sooner or later,

 it will shine.

It would seem that we shouldn't be able to breathe underwater, or fly while we're falling, or feel the sun's rays as the clouds burst their guts, or even be happy when life, or death, takes so much from us.

 But the Son is still shining.
And with or without the storm, He always will.

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