Tuesday, August 10, 2010

This is my infernal journal...

...so I'm going to eat some more of my caramello (they didn't have any of the regular sized ones so I had to buy a big one. ha. Sometimes, it's good to be pregnant) and rant.

what is it about my writing that is totally unemployable?

what makes my stories so unpublishable??

why am I so freaking undesirable as an author????

They say you have to keep going. Keep submitting. Play the numbers! One in 12 is a yes! Well, it's been more than twice that and so far I've had a whole lotta no's, one yes from a swindler who took about 1300.00 for a crappy editing job, and one 'yeah, we like you but we already got one.'

Some of you are probably thinking... huh, yeah, Ames, you're a real winner. Wasn't that Letters to Lizzie blog of yours that you thought was so cute and brilliant a total bust? because you QUIT?

Sigh. I know, I know. I can keep making excuses all day but the bottom line is I'm out of gas.

But I won't be pregnant forever. Am I not supposed to be an author? Are my aspirations to be another Shannon Hale or Brandon Mull or Josi Kilpack totally impossible? Sometimes I wonder. It really hurts to think that I've been wrong all this time.

I keep hearing "no, you're good!"  and "I don't know why you're not published yet, this story is amazing!"

My husband hears similar phrases about his not getting into dental school, which he is already very much qualified for.

I know I shouldn't complain. We've been so blessed this last year and with this new baby coming, I should be totally happy with my life and where it's going.

But can't I be an author too? Why not?

Wow, I can't believe I've eaten this much chocolate today.


Sarah said...

Hi, I read your blog every so often. First of all, congrats on your baby! Second, I understand about the writing thing. I often feel like I've worked and worked and made it the best I can, and then it doesn't make the cut. It can get discouraging and I hope that things work out!

Enjoy your chocolate!

Chess said...

I do not know. I personally think you're great. And I totally understand running out of steam. I don't know why things work out for fools like Stephenie Meyer and not for deserving writers. However, She's the Man offers this irrefutable piece of wisdom, "Some people just walk in the light." How they, but not you, are able to find the light, I'll never know... but here's to hoping you do! And soon! :-)

Marilyn said...

Hang in there. I don't understand either. I guess there's a time and season for everything- It's hard for a mom to see her kid suffer (you are gonna find this out soon!!) :)

Saimi said...

"Never give up, never surrender!" That's my favorite quote from Galaxy Quest.

Even if you are discouraged don't throw in the towel just be patient and keep your shoulder on the wheel!!

Jessica said...

I'm sorry you feel this way. It's so easy to run out of steam when your preggers, it takes SO much out of you! Hang in there!

Carrie said...

I come from a family of authors---and as awesome as that is---I have seen and heard about so much frustration and rejection. But there was always that great end result...which made it all worth it! Don't worry, you will get there.

Unknown said...

Hang in there. I was always so dissapointed I couldn't find my dream teaching job years ago...then I had my first baby. I then knew that getting my first desire of a dream job would have competed too much with mommyhood. I am glad I never got the job I couldn't live without. It opened me up to wonderful opportunities to be a mother and love it with all my heart. After that experience we found and joined the church and had 4 babies total. Now I am finding the time is near that I might fullfill some other hopes and dreams for myself. Good luck!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

I had no idea you were aspiring to be a writer!!

To be honest, I didn't even really realize this blog existed until after you quit writing the Letters to Lizzie, which I loved.

Well I say, more power to you for trying!! I don't think I could ever be a writer. I don't think I could think of a story good enough or original enough.

I'd love to read some of your stuff though! Do you have it posted somewhere?

Keep going lady-friend! And yes, pregnancy does make everything harder.

I would know. :D