Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Picking myself back up

In the past, recovering from rejection has been easier, especially when I had four or five or ten others lined up.

I'm not talking about boys, I'm talking about Agents/Publishers. I know what you're thinkin.

But the last few letters have been hard. It seems like the more I get rejected, the more worthless I feel about my writing. It's not original enough, it's not captivating enough, it's not break-out-sweep-the-market-make-grown-men-cry-and-teenage-girls-scream enough.

I keep wondering, "why?" instead of "what do I need to learn?" little plug for you, mum.

For a few hours, I kept thinking that I need to just give it up and find a new dream. It's never going to happen, no one is going to listen to me, and I've been sucked so dry that I can hardly get a word down on paper, much less write a decent book.

Now I assume that you are sitting there, reading this, expecting some brilliant pearl of wisdom to come bursting out of the rainclouds; or maybe a softly drifting, miraculous little snowflake of irony to come rest on your nose and you'll think...

ah. that's what it's all about.

But I got nothin.

I'm not even sure any of this makes sense.

All I know is that I have to write. I can't give it up. Even if I try, it's only going to come back again like a chocolate craving, or the holidays, or a jury summons.
So no matter how crappy I'm feeling right now, how defeated, wilted, tired, frustrated, or hungry for a milky way (it's that chocolate craving thing I mentioned. It's really starting to bite me.) I know that something will always come knocking in my brain.

-tap, tap, tap-

And I'll say.... here we go again.


La la said...

I'm going to give you a boost of self worth.
First of all i think one of the only reason they don't like your books is the fact that you don't stoop to the level of the world.Your books are wholesome and sex sales. This is the worlds problem and not yours.Your books are awesome and you have mad writing skills. maybe you haven't yet tapped into the right story that will get the said reaction for break-out-sweep-the-market-make-grown-men-cry-and-teenage-girls-scream yet, but I think it will come.
Second, i think you are an amazing person. i have had a lot of y/w leaders in my life but you are in the top three most loved. you have inspired me to exercise my creativity, not only with your writing but with your art skills too.Listening to your book sent my imagination soaring and it takes a lot to do that. :)
In short i think your time will come, but in the mean time keep doing what your doing. Maybe getting rejected is our Heavenly Father's way of opening another opportunity for you that your not aware of or that you cant see yet.
Know you are loved.

Marilyn said...

Keep trying. You have no idea how many rejections successful authors out there have had. All you see is the success. Keep trying, keep learning, someone will be placed in your path someday who can be a mentor for you. Heavenly Father knows your desires and you best. Somehow the way will be open.

Kassi Jane said...

this is kassi your cousin have you ever heard of the jack rabbit factor? if not read that book. I can feel in your blog that this is a huge dream for you! IT will happen you just have to stay possitive! and when you are successfull you will thank god for all the rejections because it will make that day so much better for you.

jen said...

You've received such great advice already Ames. Know that you are amazing and that things WILL happen for you. I know they will. I have a quote posted on my office wall that I read OFTEN when I'm ready to give up my dream....

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." ~Thomas Edison

Don't give up sister. You are awesome.

Joyce A said...

Wow, you got some wonderful advise. I can't add much, but just know that I think you're great and a wonderful person. Keep trying!!!