Saturday, May 23, 2009

I no longer have hair

I have pulled it all out.
because of two words:
I spent two days and a ridiculous number of hours and gas mileage shoveling through piles of utterly revolting crap.
Like this:

And this:

I'd like to get a tankini, but because of the shape of my voluptuous body, if I ever bend over it's "HEY! CRACK KILLS!" plus the fact that I'm a little, er, well endowed up top, so those cute little halter-tops everyone wants nowadays (and they're on EVERY tankini known to womankind) leaves me spilling out.

So I figure, okay, how about a nice one-piece, right?


Apparently this is a "one-kini"
BARF!What is this world coming to???

I'm sick to death of horrible swimsuits! It's either string bikini, "crack kills," abomination number three, or this:

Um, excuse me, I'm not eighty.
I apologize if um, ahem, you have this swimsuit are are, in fact, not eighty either.

Top it all off with the fact that I'm trying to match a swimsuit to swimshorts I spent a fortune on last summer and I've got a really, really good reason to check myself into a loony bin with the self-diagnosis of mad cow disease.

So with a deep breath, a prayer, and sore feet, I finally went online at and chose this little number. (Not without further online searching of course.)

In my opinion, it's very cute, I won't be spilling out the top, and they're supposed to be extra long to keep the plumber butt to a minimum.
And..... da da da DA! It matches my board shorts. Pretty much. Close enough. I'm done. Done DONE DONE!
All I have to worry about now is a weird tan line but at this point, I don't care if I have "vote Obama" sunburned into my skin. Okay, that might be going a little far. shudder.


jen said...

Oh I think it is SUPER cute. I should go look there. My maternity suit is horrid...I'm spilling out ALL OVER THE PLACE! Ugh.

Marilyn said...

Amen Sista! Bathing suit shopping is the worst..I think it's adorable. I can't wait to see it at the beach!! (or in the pool at my house!!)

Patrice said...

I love lime riki. My good friend is her good friend (I know, that's pushing it). I drove over an hour to get the right size of the one modest swim suit we could find for Kathryn!