Not so much about Ella because I know where she is; safe and happy. Right now, I just miss her.
No, right now I'm worrying about my own health. Blood pressure too high, heart rate low, and other issues that aren't serious, just another punch in the face. Don't worry, it's not anything anyone did or said. We have felt surrounded by the love of our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ, family and friends. We have felt the prayers of so many; some people we've never even met.
It's really hard to write down emotions and events, especially when the emotions are still so raw and the events still so harrowing. I've written some things down, but I don't know if I'll share them on here. They still sting.
I'm sorry I already posted song lyrics. The one in my last post came so freely to my mind, it was the only thing I could bear to write.
But song lyrics communicate emotion so well and with little effort on my part. If you don't mind, I'd like to share another one with you. I apologize to God and every prayerful person that it's not a hymn or church song, even though those have come to mind as well.
This is actually a love song from a Broadway musical. But it fits how I'm feeling about my baby girl.
At the edge of darkness
Hope is whispering still
Tender, honoring, gently stirring
Memories unfurling in the mind
Warm winds from a far, forgotten country
Long left behind.
Distant and divided
Worlds and miles apart
Dreams of days together
Broken in my heart.
Lives whistle before us
Sweet words we will never whisper
Words we long to say:
Soft, now my love
And rest your hand in mine
Feel my love, I am near.
Always, my love
Forever by your side
Love eternal* love undying.
Wandering the empty world
In twilight's silver shade
Following the hidden path
Slow and unafraid.
Let the sunlight free the heart
Forever bound to roam
And let the waking morning find
The weary traveler returning home.
*original word was "immortal."
It's a beautiful song. If you'd like to hear it in it's entirety, click here.
I am able to smile.
I still need to cry.
But crying hurts my healing body.
I'm scared to sleep.
But mornings bring me hope.