I was just reading a conference talk by Elder Kevin R. Duncan entitled Our Very Survival.
And suddenly, I felt better.
I was reading about God keeping His promises to His people and how we have to remain faithful to Him in order to receive the blessings of His promises... no matter the hardship.
Here and now, on the public world-wide-web, I have to say
No matter how much this hurts, no matter how badly I miss my baby, and no matter what pain I experience or see in the eyes of my loved ones, I will forever be loyal to my God. I cannot and will not depart from Him. Ever.
Because I know that with Him, I can be happy. On His path, I am safe. And I will be as close to my little girl as I possibly can as long as I'm close to Him.
The grief will return. It's kind-of like a house-fly. I can beat it away all I want but it'll always come buzzing right back in my face when I least expect it.
But for this moment, I feel lighter. And free of the house fly.
I'm thinking of doing a painting of Ella
using the excellent ultrasound picture I have of her.
I'll post it when it's finished.