Thursday, May 19, 2011

Sunshine in rain

Have you ever stood in sunshine and rain at the same time? It's a peculiar feeling. Thick clouds, pouring rain, but it isn't dark . . . it's sort-of like when you find yourself breathing underwater either with a snorkel or in a dream. Two things that shouldn't be able to happen at once.

One year ago today I found out I was pregnant. Finally pregnant.
I remember the joy.
The fear.
The anticipation.
The hope.
The oh-my-heck-I-can't-believe-this-happening.
Smiling for no reason.
Barfing for no reason.
Crying for no reason.

And that little heartbeat.

Being pregnant with Ella was like standing in sunshine and rain. At last I was experiencing the incredible miracle of carrying a sweet little daughter. With the dark clouds overhead as we found out about her heart defect, I tried so hard to face the sun. While the rain poured down, we could still see small rays of light, small glimmers of hope.

Now that she's gone, life is the same way. Sometimes the storm is greater than the sun. Other times the rain is just a memory. Sometimes they go on simultaneously. But I've realized that no matter how cold and ruthless that storm is, the sun is always above it. I don't always feel it, but sooner or later,

 it will shine.

It would seem that we shouldn't be able to breathe underwater, or fly while we're falling, or feel the sun's rays as the clouds burst their guts, or even be happy when life, or death, takes so much from us.

 But the Son is still shining.
And with or without the storm, He always will.


Heather said...

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I want to give you a big squeeze.

Unknown said...

Thank you for sharing. Love for a child will never deminish. Some days will be harder than others. I hope you have more days when you can see the sun. Take care.

Rie Teemant said...

You are so inspiring. Thank you for being willing to put it all out there. You're my hero!

Darci Cole said...

Beautiful, Amy. I actually stood in the sunshine while it was raining yesterday. I love the quote that says something like, "Life isn't about getting through the storm, it's about learning to dance in the rain." And knowing that the sun will come out, and that the Son of God is always there, makes dancing in the rain a bit easier.
Love you, girl.

Regina said...

A wonderful and wonderfully deep play on words (wordplay?)!

I love to follow you. You are so brave, so powerful, so much looking forward - I know that you are not always brave and powerful, but I love the way you share and change your probably weakest moments with us, your readers.

You spread the spirit and it´s power -isn´t that miraculous ?

(As always I hope to have expressed in English what I meant in German: Du bist eine so tapfere, wunderbare, mutige Frau und ich bewundere Dich und bin dankbar, dass Du Deinen Weg mit uns teilst und uns Kraft gibst und Vorbild bist.)

Dearest greetings from Lehrte near Hannover in Germany


Meredith said...

so so beautiful! every time you talk about Ella your love for her shines through. what a great mother you are. let there be light:)

Lisa Payne said...

Thank you for posting this, Amy. It really was something that I needed to buoy me up today. Light is always greater than darkness, unless we allow the darkness to overpower us; I have a really hard time remembering that sometimes!

Carrie said...

You are such an inspiration to so many;)

heather said...

You are such a beautiful & inspiring woman. I am so glad I came across your blog.

What I Did Today said...

What a breath-taking way to put it. I love your gift with words. I'm going to remember that - standing in rain and sun at the same time - such a beatiful, hoping way to look at life. Thank you for uplifting me!

Chess said...

I loved this. I love you.

Unknown said...


Momza said...

So eloquent and tender. Thank you for your strong example of faith.